As we celebrate the 4th anniversary of our son Zachary's adoption, I have taken time to reflect on the journey that brought two precious Vietnamese boys into our lives.

My husband and I put off having children for 14 years for reasons that no longer matter. When we finally felt we were ready for a family we discovered that we would not be able to have biological children. We thought briefly about domestic adoption but decided on international adoption because we did not want to wait to be 'chosen' by a birthmother when there were so many children internationally that were orphans waiting for homes.

We researched several countries and finally settled on Vietnam. We liked the fact that both boys and girls were available, the time frames were reasonable, and we were impressed with everything we had heard about the facilitators, Sandy and Paul Pinkerton.

Although our parents never said it to us directly, I overheard a conversation at our home when they were all visiting. The opinions they expressed to each other went something like “I hope they don't pursue an international adoption”, “there are just too many risks”, “who knows what kind of problems they could end up with”. I am glad that we did not listen and followed our hearts instead. Today, these same grandparents cannot imagine life without their Vietnamese grandsons.

Once we decided to adopt from Vietnam and signed an application with Adoptions From the Heart in March 1999, we decided to get through the process as quickly as possible. We completed our dossier in just a few months and traveled to Vietnam 6 months after we signed our application.

In May 1999, after our home study had already been completed, my parents decided to downsize and sell their house. They offered the house they were moving from to us before putting it on the market. It was much larger and had more land than ours did. We had not even been thinking of moving but decided it would be nice to have more space and a place for kids to play. We decided that if it did not slow down the adoption process and if we could sell our house by the end of June we would take them up on their offer. We found out we could file our dossier and then do an addendum after moving so we put our house on the market. It sold in 2 weeks. Preparing for the move helped to keep us busy during the wait between submitting our dossier and receiving a referral.

We sent our dossier to Vietnam at the beginning of July 1999 and moved into our new house at the beginning of August. We were expecting our referral any day and I would go to work and anxiously wait for the phone to ring. Finally on 8/16, the day arrived when the phone call came. The social worker told me that we had received a referral for a baby boy, born 4/28/99, named Tam Than Nguyen. He was very tiny, weighing in at less then 3.5 pounds at birth. The agency was going to send the information and pictures overnight, but I could not wait. I had my husband pick them up at lunchtime and we met when he returned so we could open the package together. Of course we thought he was the cutest baby ever born! That night we called all of our family and told them our exciting news, emailing pictures to all of them.

We had not allowed ourselves to discuss names or decorate the baby's room until we received our referral. After much discussion, we decided to name him Zachary Tam. We fell in love with him just from his picture which I kept with me at all times. We quickly prepared for Zachary's arrival by getting his room ready and buying baby essentials for our trip to Vietnam. Several people wanted to have baby showers for us, but I asked them to wait until after we returned from Vietnam, just in case something went wrong.

We left for Vietnam on the evening of September 10, 1999. I was excited and nervous at the same time. I wondered whether we were really ready, if we were making a mistake, if we would be good parents, and if Zachary would love us as much as we already loved him. And I was nervous about the flight because I do not particularly enjoy flying. The only way I could handle the long flight to Vietnam was by thinking about Zachary waiting for us on the other end. The flights were uneventful and we arrived on time in Ho Chi Minh City on September 12.

We checked into the Norfolk Mansion around 4pm. We had just enough time to shower, unpack and grab a quick dinner before heading to the Tam Binh Orphanage. We arrived at the orphanage and were greeted by Sister Hai and Ms. Chi. It wasn't long before the caregivers came out with all of the babies. We didn't have to wait long. Zachary was the 2nd baby to be brought into the room. He was asleep when we received him. Before we left the orphanage, Sister Hai came over and gave him a goodbye kiss and told us to take good care of him. He woke up for just a few seconds when she kissed him on the forehead and went right back into a deep sleep. He was so tiny and fragile looking and I was overwhelmed with joy when I held him for the first time. Since we arrived at night, we were not able to visit the orphanage.

We spent our time in Vietnam doing official business, sightseeing, shopping, but most importantly bonding with Zachary. He had the most beautiful, alert eyes and a smile that melted our hearts. Now that he had come into our lives we could not imagine life without him. Zachary had been sick frequently in the orphanage and was developmentally behind. We had packed a lot of toys for him but discovered he was not interested in them. He made a lot of progress in the short time we were in Vietnam, learning how to roll over, hold a toy, and giggle. What we found most fascinating was how he didn't cry at all the first few days. After he saw all of the attention he was getting he discovered how crying could get him even more attention. He also enjoyed being held a lot.

I was a nervous first time mother. The first night I stayed up almost all night to make sure he didn't stop breathing. And I worried about everything - about his coughing, that he wasn't eating enough, that the heat was too much for him, that one side of his head was flat, etc. One day when we were coming back from an appointment, I accidentally bumped his head on the door as I was going into the apartment. He barely even cried but I worried I had given him a concussion, or worse, that they might take him away from me if he was hurt. I even had my husband call Paul and Sandy about it and Paul came to take a look. Zachary was fine of course. There was barely even a bump.

We enjoyed sightseeing in Vietnam during our stay. Sandy and Paul took our group to the American War Museum, the water puppet show, Cu Chi tunnels, the Mekong Delta, pagodas, and on cyclo rides. We had a wonderful travel group and we still keep in touch with everyone today.

The adoption process was completed earlier than anticipated and we had an opportunity to leave a few days earlier than originally scheduled. We chose to stay so we could enjoy some additional time sightseeing and bonding alone with Zachary. We left Ho Chi Minh City on 9/25 and arrived at the airport to the welcome of family and close friends.

About a year and half later we decided to adopt a second baby. Once again family members tried to discourage us. They told us maybe we had just been lucky the first time and we might not be so lucky again. Again, we didn't listen. We were concerned about leaving Zachary behind but also knew he would not handle such a long trip well. For that reason, we briefly considered Korea because the children can be escorted to the U.S. I remember talking to Sandy about the difficulty I was having with the idea of leaving Zachary and not knowing who would be willing to take care of him while we were away and she told me if adopting from Vietnam was what we wanted to do that it would all work out. We decided to stick with Vietnam because we wanted them to have the same cultural background.

When we started the second adoption in April 2001, we were going to take a more leisurely pace getting things done than the first time around. Because of some other things in our lives at the time, we didn't want to travel until late in 2001. However, we soon decided to accelerate the process. There were many rumors that Vietnam was going to close to U.S. adoptions very soon. There was a possibility of two trips being required instead of one. There were arrests being made in Vietnam of corrupt facilitators. There was talk of Vietnam wanting to centralize their adoption process which would probably mean at least a temporary shut down. Sister Hai had left the orphanage and the new director was changing some of the rules about who could adopt from Tam Binh. Looking back, these types of rumors were circulating during our first process as well, but I believe we were more naïve about things then. We did not realize until we traveled the first time how many pieces of the puzzle had to fall into place to bring about a successful adoption. In addition, since we had already experienced parenthood, I felt like I knew what I had to lose more so than if this was our first child. So all in all, I was more anxious about the process itself the second time. Sandy and Paul were very supportive and helped us through the stressful times. Honestly, if I had listened only to what the agency was telling us I think we would have put the adoption on hold.

I was working part-time, 3 days a week, at this point in time. My original plan was to work until we traveled to Vietnam, which we thought would probably be in September 2001. We wanted to save as much as possible before the trip. I had already informed my employer that I would not be returning. Day after day, I would sit at my desk and wonder what am I doing here? Why do I feel the need to stay until we travel? Zachary was crying almost every day I dropped him off at day care. And my husband was out of town 4 days a week on business. There was the added stress of wondering if this adoption would become a reality. What if the adoption didn't work out and I had wasted my time working instead of enjoying the summer with Zachary? Was a few months salary really going to make that much difference in the grand scheme of things? In the end I decided not to make how long I worked dependent on this adoption and submitted my resignation at the beginning of June. Some people thought I was crazy. Others understood. I have never regretted my decision.

We received our referral for a baby boy on 6/28/2001, a few days before we mailed our dossier to Vietnam. It was for another baby boy, named Hoa Huu Dang, born on 2/14/2001. He was a big baby, weighing in at over 8.5 pounds at birth. I had actually found out about our referral before the agency contacted us. I just happened to make a phone call to Sandy with an issue I was having with the Vietnam Embassy translations and she mentioned she had just received some referrals. We were expecting ours soon so of course I could not resist asking if one was for us. She gave me the details over the phone and a few days later we received the official information and picture from the agency. We decided to name him Sean Hoa.

The second trip was different in many ways. We had never been away overnight from Zachary at the same time. So we basically just wanted to get to Vietnam, get the official business done, and get home as quickly as possible. We left for Vietnam on 8/8 from Newark, NJ. We live in PA, but my husband was working in that area of NJ at the time so he was going right from work to the airport. I had arranged to take a shuttle but that morning they called and cancelled. Fortunately, I have a good friend that lives near Newark so I left my car at her home and she drove me to the airport. I will never forget that she rearranged her plans for the day to help me out at the last minute.

We arrived in Ho Chi Minh City on 8/10/2001 in the early afternoon. We checked into the Somerset Ho Chi Minh City and were disappointed to learn that we would not be going to the orphanage until the following day. We took advantage of our free time by going to the local grocery store for a few essentials - diapers, laundry detergent, Diet Coke, and chocolate - and catching up on our sleep.

We went to the orphanage the following day to receive the babies. Sister Hai was no longer the director there. We were greeted by the new director, Mr. Trung, and Miss Elizabeth (formerly known as Ms. Chi). Sean was the first baby brought into the waiting area. As soon as I saw him, I recognized him from his picture and when they called our names, tears of joy welled up in my eyes. He was very alert, active, and snuggly. We were able to tour parts of the orphanage this time which we really appreciated. We saw the courtyard, playground, music room, and lunchroom.

From our first experience, we anticipated that Sean would be developmentally delayed. So we were surprised to see that he appeared to be developmentally age appropriate. He could already roll over and was starting to crawl. He enjoyed playing with the few toys we had brought. We had not packed many for this trip because of our prior experience. He was a very pleasant baby, laughing and smiling at us on the first day already. Just like Zachary, he did not cry the first few days, but quickly learned how that could work to his advantage. He wanted to be held most of the time, which we were happy to do. I felt more confident about how to care for him and was more relaxed about the mothering responsibilities during this trip.

Just like the first trip, we spent our time in Vietnam doing official business, sightseeing, shopping and bonding with the new baby. Even though we were in Vietnam for the same amount of time as the first trip, it seemed to me like time was going excruciatingly slowly because we were anxious to get home. That is not to say that we did not enjoy our time there. We had a great time. At this point in time, Sandy and Paul were no longer going with the groups sightseeing but they had referred us to Spanky who was a great tour guide. We went to all of the places we did the first time, but we also had a chance to take a tour of the city which we had not previously done. The group dynamics were different this time around and I am sad to say the group has not stayed in touch very well.

We left Vietnam on 8/23 and arrived in New York. We rented a car and drove home by ourselves. Our family and close friends came over that evening to visit. Zachary was elated to see us and adjusted well to his new big brother role.

I have put together a scrapbook for each of the boys of their adoption trip. They like to look at the pictures of when they were babies and mommy and daddy came to Vietnam and brought them home. It serves as a tool to start talking about adoption, but they are not at the point where they are asking questions yet. They just like to listen to their adoption story as I tell it to them. The boys are best of friends and truly act like brothers. Strangers often ask us: “are they twins?” and “are they brothers?” I always answer no to the twins question and yes to the question about being brothers. But most of the time people will not accept the answer. They insist on pressing the issue by saying “no, I mean are they biological brothers” as if I did not understand their question the first time. I am still in the process of perfecting a good response to that one.

Friends and family often ask us if we will adopt again. Usually the answer is no, but I have to admit, when we watch the adoption videos from our trips, I do get a bit teary-eyed and am ready to do it all again. We are looking forward to some day taking the boys back to Vietnam to show them the country they were born in. Perhaps it will be sooner than we had anticipated if my husband's job takes us there temporarily.

We will be forever grateful to Sandy and Paul for all of their hard work and dedication to the Vietnam adoption program. We know that our family would not be what it is today without their assistance. I believe that it was not the adoption agency that made our adoption journeys happy and successful. It was Sandy and Paul.